Unknowing me

The process of unknowing someone is actually a lot more complicated that
you think. Maybe just thinking about it complicates matters the way it
wouldn't if you just simply neglected returning an email or a phone
call.

I have lost/let go of so many life changing friendships in the past 5
years that the potential loss of yet another one hardly bothers me
anymore. It's like your virginity. After the first one, the next 30 are
just a blur.

The trick is you don't want a confrontation or a break up, you just want
a casual backslide. Hey don't mind me, I'm just chilling while ignoring
your frantic cries for help that even the $180/hr therapist won't
answer.

Just a small hardly noticeable demotion from great friend to burdensome
emotionally wrecked friend to an occasional guilt-charged
visit/call/email to nothingness. It looks easier than it seems.

I envy those who have had the skill and subtlety to have done it to me
in the past. I hardly even noticed when they dropped out of my radar.
When everything in my life started shitting the bed, go south/pear
shaped/spaghetti, tits/belly up, and I picked up my own pieces I
appreciated the gift they gave me. (Not very different from the one my
parents gave really on my 18th birthday)

Maybe she will say the same one day. A friend who cannot be there for
you might as well not be there at all. We could at least save the
emotional energy for other things.