We hired a nanny, I will start her a few days next week when I go to the stage to do some prep (paperwork) It will ease her in and my hours won't be as long initially so if I get anxious it will be ok.
I have mixed feelings about going back to work - on one hand, the anticipation of having a proper income is great. I've been fake shopping for 3 months (when I go to websites and put things in the cart and eventually toggle back to Facebook) and it would be nice to buy something I want just 'cos I want it as opposed to measuring the cost of it vs buying formula for the baby. Bleah.
On the other hand, I feel some trepidation that the new nanny won't know how to put him down for a nap and i will come home to a screaming pissed off baby who is going to grow up neurologically dysfunctional because his emotional needs were not met by an absentee mom.
The eternal struggle.
My mommy friends who have nannies assure me that the nanny will have tricks up their sleeves and just by virtue of NOT being his mother, will actually get him to behave better.
Just what I want to hear. Anyway, we will see. Ultimately I believe I'm not really cut out to be a good stay at home mom. I spend the days shushing him so I can do my own things. I don't really engage him the way I am supposed to, I just want him not to cry. His development toys lie in his room unplayed and I just dump him in the swing and frantically do laundry and whatever I can get away with for the next 2 hours while he's playing with his own hands. Poor kid.
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